The archetypal male body is straight, able bodied, and more often than not, white. The archetypal male body is also pitched as sealed and impenetrable. This is why many Straight Men often freak out when you finger their arseholes while having sex. The Straight Sex Script is one where Man penetrates, and Woman is penetrated. The body of a Man being entered, is not the standard manly way to have sex.
This Straight Man archetype, is also one of the roots to homophobia and misogyny. If the (superior)male body is meant to penetrate, and the (inferior) female body is to be penetrated, then the gay (stereotyped) male body messes up this rule. Bluntly, in a narrow Straight Guy worldview, a gay man lets his body be used like a woman, which is a Bad Thing. Straight Man homophobia stems from the reminder from gay men, that men’s bodies are not inherently sealed and impenetrable. This reminder seems to be so threatening to the Straight Man identity, that gay men and transgender peoples are harassed, ridiculed, imprisoned and murdered.
Provocation Defence/Homosexual Panic Defence was used recently to reduce murder to manslaughter, and is only now, in 2009, on its slow way out. The Provocation Defence works like this: “He was hitting on me (a manly red blooded heterosexual man), and I found it so offensive, that it induced a psychotic state in me and I killed him.
Transgressing the hetero rule of Men and the rigid rules of gender expression and identity, is threatening to archetypal Straight Man identity, because it points out that masculinity, gender and identity, are not set in stone and God proclaimed.
It’s not purely, as some Straight Guys have said, that they just aren’t into anal sex. It’s more than that. Many Straight Guys also won’t be too keen on giving your strap-on cock a blow job either. If they say they’re “just not into blow-jobs”, this is more socially acceptable, logical and understandable than if a woman says this.
Blow-jobs done by women on men’s cocks are considered a “natural” and expected part of the Straight Sex Script. Blow-jobs by men on women’s cocks are not.
We are talking about social assumptions and expectations, not purely personal preference of whether or not you’re into anal sex and blow-jobs. We are also talking about whose bodies are assumed to be into certain sex acts, and why. Rather that the whole bunch of sex acts being neutral and not power and gender laden, where anyone can just give it a go if they feel like with no pressure.
Straight Men as a generalised grouping, being afraid and disgusted about being fucked up the arse, apart from linking to tropes around misogyny and homophobia, is also a bit sad. It’s sad, because it’s in the same vein (but different of course) like when many women didn’t know about their clits. Many Straight Men haven’t discovered their prostates can be really pleasurable.
I feel like it’s also further than homophobia and misogyny. There are also threads of archetypal White Masculinities and its boundaries.
By this I mean that gender expression is raced (as well as classed). Our gender expression is shaped by the race, ethnicity and class cultures (at the very least) we are part of and interact within.
White culture, White desire and White fears can also be seen in the expression of White Masculinities. White colonial nations, are orbited by fears of infection (penetration) from aliens. Asian invasion, yellow peril, “Terrorists”. Fear of contamination by uncivilised others, the erosion of Our society’s moral fabric. Or because racist liberals have become more subtle, fear of “our” (white) national values being undermined.
The colonial body (empire/male) fears being invaded and penetrated, because it knows that the way it has done that, has not been in negotiation, reciprocity and equal respectful relation. It posits penetration, and therefore in like kind, vulnerability, as weak and undesirable; woman like.
Women, and female bodies are not exempt from this spotlight either. In a binary, one thing cannot exist without the other. There is a role that Femininity plays in white supremacy and patriarchy, homophobia and transphobia. Femininities are often more flexible, morphus and less fixed than masculinities. Or there are a myriad of feminine archetypes, and the stereotypes of femininities may ring less true less often, or are often more complex being affected and reacted from masculinities.
However, un-interrogated, un-examined femininities, no matter how kick-arse, can be Patriarchal Femininities, White femininities, capitalist femininities, colonial femininities, so on and so forth.
Femininities also police and create the boundaries masculinities operate and oppress within.
“I want a real man”. “God he was a terrible lover, couldn’t keep it up”. “What an arsehole cheating bastard, and he had a small dick”. “Don’t worry about her, you’re so much hotter, she’s a fat, ugly bitch”. “She isn’t doing anything with her life, look at her now, she’s up the duff”. “I’m not into fat guys, it’s OK for a woman to have a bit of fat on her, but men should be strong and muscley, or lean and slim”. “Nah I can’t go out with him, I only go out with guys that are taller than me”.
If it is just white masculinities that oppress, then there would have never been any need for non-white, queer, working/underclass, differently abled, fat women to call out racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, ableism and body hatred within (white) Feminism. But there was a need, and still is.
Whiteness/pakeha culture, as well as any dominating or privileging culture, is expressed and perpetuated in how white/pakeha men be men, and white/pakeha women be women. Dominating and privileging oppression, are also done through our gender expression and sexuality.
So this spiel is not actually about anal sex with straight men. It’s about putting the spotlight where the sun don’t shine (haha) and showing that our sexual orientations, sexualities, how we do (or don’t) have sex, our gender expressions, how we be men and women and everything in between, is also a medium and manifestation of things like class, ableism, race, ageism, colonisation, sexism, sub/culture and a myriad of other things in life.
Though it can be about anal sex if you want it to be.